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Iapos;m not sure what I want anymore. I barely have any idea whatapos;s best for me and Iapos;m just pushing everything away to avoid confrontation with my problems. I just donapos;t want to cope with them; Iapos;m being stubborn, I know. As different emotions intensify while others subside Iapos;m finding myself feeling so incredibly indecisive and reluctant to even commence solving problems. This whole catch 22 thing is becoming trite, Iapos;m running in circles.

I need rest.

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1. If you want me to come to an event, you must specifically invite me. This isnapos;t a big deal so much as me stating it for the record. I do not take invitations by implication.

2. I also donapos;t take work by implication. If I say "huh, yeah, I *could* do that" and you never ever come back to me to confirm that you actually want me to do it, do NOT come back to me a week before your deadline and ask how the project is going.

3. I am not your one-stop costuming solution. Fuck off, I have enough to do over here.

4. I also donapos;t do costuming for free. I havenapos;t done costuming for free since the last time I made male garb, and I hope never to do it again.

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What should I be for Halloween? Hmm? Iapos;m not choosing just for Halloween night itself, itapos;s for DJapos;s Halloween party, which is happening on the 25th..which is this Saturday. Thatapos;s also my Nanaapos;s birthday/birthday get-together with the fam. Exciting, right?
Yes yes.
Iapos;m on the telephone with Joel Brown, my boyfran, at the moment.
Now Iapos;m not. Iapos;m uploading some photos to facebook, that are long overdue. A bunch from Brianapos;s 18th birthday party at Texas Roadhouse and a bunch from Joelapos;s my trip to Tin Tin.
I do believe I told you about my car accident..but Iapos;m not sure. Someone hit Sydneyapos;s Sequoia, and we were both in it, stopped at a stop sign. They rear-ended us. It was a fun time. Actually, it was Corinne, this girl that used to be my biff, but we got into a fight I dated people that I shouldnapos;t have and yeah. D-D-D-Drama. But Sydney and I have whiplash. And Joel took me out to eat because I told him he should and he took pity on me because Iapos;m a crippled teenager. Yes. :)
My Dad got me flowers and an SMCC tshirt, and my Mom bought me chapstick and gum and soup from Chia Sen, my favorite Chinese restaurant. It doesnapos;t make my back any better, but it makes me feel nicey nice.
I get to see Joel tomorrow :) And that makes me happy.
I keep getting distracted from this entry. Itapos;s okay though. :]
Letapos;s see, what else is there to say?�Apparently this week is Spirit Week because of Battle Of The Bridge(which is also on�Saturday..hmmm..) but none of the cheerleaders decided to make posters telling anyone about it, so now no one is going to do it. Ridiculous. I think the seniors are losing their school spirit with the whole spirit week thing, because weapos;re all like..ugghh, when are we finally graduating? But, I kind of wish it wasnapos;t like that.
Ahh..so, Iapos;m going to go now :]
Iapos;m gonna eat some mini-pasta watch Indiana Jones with my parents..because Iapos;m so cool like that ;]
xo

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hey jo

i finally, gave my jo jo a header. And the thought was inspired by the movie- PS I Love You.

"alone or not, you have to�walk ahead. If youapos;re alone, then, weapos;re together in that too."

hollyapos;s mother tells her this�towards the end of the movie. Because both of them felt very much alone..even though they had people around them. But this- what she said- really open yours eyes to realise weapos;re never really alone.
when you feel alone, think of this-its a nice thought.

i love quotes alot-- i have many quote books and mum just gifted me another one for my birthday, titled- apos;All good things start with a Bapos;.. Its really cute and has lovely quotes. Iapos;ll post some soon.�one that comes to mind just now (excuse me if iapos;ve posted this before)-

"A friend is someone you can be yourself with."

and this is so true but i donapos;t remember wheres the B in this one.. Hehheee..will have a look and get back to you hope youapos;re having a great weekend.

muah. Pappy:):)

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It just hit me: Iapos;m afraid of writing because Iapos;m afraid of being publicly weird and giving ppl the idea that all lesbians are really fucked up in the head, like me and my characters (Cath, Clarissa, Louisa, etc). Itapos;s like the New Negro. But I need to not fear this; if I express myself well, thereapos;s no reason to hold back. Look at Fun Home. She was able to put in an entire chapter on her obsessive-compulsive disorder, refer to her father and herself as gender "inverts," talk openly about both her parentsapos; total dysfunction, compare her dad to Marcel Proust... Yeah. Basically sheapos;s taken the cake, and no oneapos;s pointing fingers... Except maybe the weirdos in Missouri, with that whole library thing. Whatever, they donapos;t count.
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Iapos;m completely dumbfounded at how serious people get over elections/politics in general. I think people tend to lose their hold on reality. Admittedly, this is because Iapos;m not part of the 96 of college students who are uneducated and go apos;Hurrr Iapos;m a liberal make pot legal111elevenapos;, but honestly.

I understand that itapos;s a serious thing. I just hate when uppity douchebags try to turn civil discourse into a fight because -I- donapos;t care about elections. :V

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I like to knit socks.� There is something about turning a heel flap that makes me feel smart and wise.� Making three dimensional clothing is always fun, but there is something about socks that just make me want to sit down and cast on.� Usually.�

Iapos;m currently knitting some stuff for Chrisapos;s grandmother, and one of those things happen to be a pair of socks.� I kind of put off casting on because I knew I was going to use up some black yarn.� I donapos;t know what it is about black yarn, but the damn stuff gives me fits.� I always need extra light to count rows and stitches.� Itapos;s a pain in the ass.� However, I like Miss Virginnia and am flattered enough by her asking me to make her some bedroom socks to cast them on.

Made of worsted weight acrylic, the damn things just fly off the needles, even if I am using black yarn.� It is very satisfying.

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